In Luke 10 when Martha welcomed Jesus into her home, her motive was to exchange good hospitality for his affection. It ended in disaster for Martha. This encounter is much different. Like the visit to her home, she is upset and disappointed by Jesus’ apparent inattention to her need. This time, however, she presents her need and her feelings without the anger and frustration present before. Her focus was on Jesus not any preparations. She was free from the tension of “Let’s make a deal.”
Spirit-produced patience moves us beyond the need to bargain with Jesus for what we want. Before it does that it first enables us to be honest with God about why we want what we want. The role of confession is vital at this point. Daily confession is not for the purpose of rehashing our sins. Its purpose is to provide a setting for an honest look at what motivates our actions. We then take responsibility for our sinful motives and actions. God responds by forgiving our sin for the sake of Christ’s payment for our sin on the cross. Not only does he forgive us but also he goes on to purify the motives of our hearts (1 John 1:8-9). All this the Holy Spirit works in our hearts to prepare us to bring our requests to God.
When Jesus visited Martha’s house, she had an issue with Mary and her failure to help her in the kitchen. But it was Jesus who caught the brunt of her anger. Martha had failed to establish healthy boundaries. Her preparations took her to the point of exhaustion and total frustration rather than to service. Her worrying and stewing over Mary’s failure to help and Jesus’ apparent lack of concern led her to be very rude to her house guest. Her outburst brought a reprimand from Jesus.
The fruit of patience brought a different Martha to Jesus this time. Instead of anger and frustration demanding that Jesus take action, Martha patiently presented her need concerning her brother. Once our motives have been clarified and purified through confession and forgiveness, we too will find that our emotions do not have as much power to force us beyond healthy boundaries whether in our relationship to God or to others. Patience helps us to seek not merely what is right from our perspective but to receive from God what is righteous in his eyes. Patience helps us recognize when we are pushing ourselves too far. Patience shifts our focus from self and self-pity to Christ and his love for us.
In this brief exchange between Jesus and Martha, we can sense that Martha genuinely accepts Jesus’ words of comfort. Pride is always suspicious of the motives of others. It always reads into others’ words of comfort and affection its own selfishness and ambition. It ultimately robs us of the very thing we desperately seek, which is the love and affection of others.
Patience given by the Holy Spirit produces much different fruit. It recognizes that not everyone will express affection the way we might. It is willing to give others the benefit of the doubt when they do not respond to our acts of affection the way we think they should. It rejoices in the moments of intimacy we are given with friends and loved ones. It enables us to let go of times when we are unappreciated. Patience always reminds us that our worth is in the one who died for us and rose again to give us eternal life. His first motive in dealing with us is always love.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
PATIENCE 1
Most Christians are familiar with Jesus’ visit to Mary and Martha in Luke 10. Many are not aware of another visit to these same women (John 11:20-28). This visit was under very different circumstances. This visit was occasioned by the death of their brother Lazarus. Here we meet Martha again but this time a very different Martha. On this visit she models the very essence of the fruit of the Spirit called patience.
The story begins with Lazarus dying. An urgent message is sent to Jesus to come and heal his friend. Strangely he waited two more days before going to his friends. By the time he arrives, Lazarus has been in his tomb for four days. It is too late. Yet the sisters waited for Jesus. When he arrives, Martha is the one who goes out to meet him. This is where we see the Spirit shine in Martha’s life.
John tells us, “When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him.” What a different picture we see of Martha from Luke 10. Here she goes out to meet Jesus, not clean the house, serve a meal, or fuss over all the preparations. She goes to sit at Jesus’ feet as Mary had done earlier. She goes to engage him about her brother’s death. She goes to see him and he alone is the focus of her attention.
Patience is often portrayed as sitting and waiting. Patience is much more active than that. When we are engaged by circumstances that challenge our patience, the first step is not to simply sit and wait. The first step is to bring our hurt and concern to Jesus. He is the one to give our problems proper perspective. He is the one who can solve them. He is the one to whom we need to give our undivided attention. Patience begins by study of the Word and struggling with that Word in prayer and reflection. There the Spirit draws us. There is where Jesus meets us.
The story begins with Lazarus dying. An urgent message is sent to Jesus to come and heal his friend. Strangely he waited two more days before going to his friends. By the time he arrives, Lazarus has been in his tomb for four days. It is too late. Yet the sisters waited for Jesus. When he arrives, Martha is the one who goes out to meet him. This is where we see the Spirit shine in Martha’s life.
John tells us, “When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him.” What a different picture we see of Martha from Luke 10. Here she goes out to meet Jesus, not clean the house, serve a meal, or fuss over all the preparations. She goes to sit at Jesus’ feet as Mary had done earlier. She goes to engage him about her brother’s death. She goes to see him and he alone is the focus of her attention.
Patience is often portrayed as sitting and waiting. Patience is much more active than that. When we are engaged by circumstances that challenge our patience, the first step is not to simply sit and wait. The first step is to bring our hurt and concern to Jesus. He is the one to give our problems proper perspective. He is the one who can solve them. He is the one to whom we need to give our undivided attention. Patience begins by study of the Word and struggling with that Word in prayer and reflection. There the Spirit draws us. There is where Jesus meets us.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
CONFESSION AND FORGIVENESS FOR PRIDE
If you have felt convicted by any of the questions below concerning the sin of pride, what will you do? John has some wise advice for all of us. He says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9). Let us examine those words more closely.
“If we claim to be without sin…” Any sin can be rationalized into a virtue. After all we are entitled to our feelings. We have a right to be upset. Nobody likes to be criticized. Nobody likes to be used. Who likes being cheated out of what is rightfully theirs? My shortcomings and failures cannot be as bad as those other people. Far from being wrong, sin argues, it is actually right and proper not only to feel this way but also to act this way.
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” Ouch! Some of the questions you concerning pride likely raised an “ouch!” When we look into the mirror of God’s will for our lives, our sin begins to stand out. Certainly it is natural to want to hide, blame, or explain away our prideful habits, but that doesn’t change their reality. Actually God seeks us out when we sin, he ignores our explanations, and he gets upset when we point at the sins of others. All God wants from us is our confession (Gen 3:8-13).
What does it mean to “confess” our sins? To confess literally means to come into agreement with. When we confess our sins, God brings us into agreement with his judgment on our pride. When we confess our sins, we take ownership and responsibility for where we have come up short of God’s requirements for our lives. When we confess our sins, we don’t tack on any disclaimers such as if, but, or maybe to explain or justify our sin. When we confess our sins, we simply say, “This is my sin of pride. I take responsibility for it. I am so sorry for offending you, my holy God.”
What happens when we confess our sins? “(God) is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins.” The wall that pride has established between us and heaven is torn down by forgiveness. We can trust God to forgive because of what his only Son has done for us. When he died on the cross, he took God’s judgment on his own shoulders that was rightfully ours because of the pride that poisons our hearts, lashes out at God, and consumes us with self-pity. God wrote our debt “paid in full” when he raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 4:25). That forgiveness was costly to God but is now free to us. That forgiveness is ours whenever we confess our sins.
God doesn’t stop there. He goes on to promise that he will also “purify us from all unrighteousness.” To be made righteous is to be restored to the order the Creator intended. For instance, if your car breaks down, in a sense it becomes unrighteous because it is no longer operating according to the designers’ specifications. In our unrighteousness we are like that broken car. Because of our sin we are not operating the way God designed us at creation. What forgiveness does is give us the righteousness of Christ so we can be what God designed us to be (Rom 3:22-24). Our righteousness will only find its completeness when we are forever in heaven with Christ where we will no longer have sins to confess. In the meantime because we daily sin much, we flee to God in confess to receive his forgiveness and be purified from all unrighteousness. It is in that process that God grows and matures us as his people.
Here is a form of confession for you to use based on 1 John 1:8-9. (If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us) Father, I admit that I have acted out my pride and self-pity in ways hurtful to you and others. (If we confess our sins) I take full responsibility for my prideful thoughts and deeds and agree with your judgment upon them. (God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins) I believe that Jesus Christ took your judgment upon my sin to the cross with him. My debt is now paid. (and will purify us from all unrighteousness) In your mercy set me on a new path that releases me from the power of my pride. Give me courage to not only confess my sin to you but also those whom I have hurt with my anger. I ask it all in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Hear now God’s words to you based on your confession. “Because of what I did through Jesus, you find me compassionate and gracious; slow to anger, abounding in love. I will not always accuse, nor will I harbor my anger forever; I do not treat you as your sins deserve or repay you according to what justice requires. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is my love for those who fear me; as far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your transgressions from you. As a father has compassion on his children, so I have compassion on those who fear me” (Psalm 103:8-13 paraphrased).
Part of that righteousness Christ gives us is the strength and freedom to go to those whom you have offended and hurt. This can be the hardest part of dealing with our sin of pride. Ambassadors of Reconciliation[1] have the best help I have seen with the Seven A’s of Confession.
1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you have affected)
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)
4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)
5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)
6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)
7. Ask for forgiveness
Using these steps can go a long way in promoting healing and reconciliation.
[1] For more information contact Ambassadors of Reconciliation at PO Box 81130, Billings, MT 59108, (406)256-1583, or visit their website at www.HisPeace.org.
“If we claim to be without sin…” Any sin can be rationalized into a virtue. After all we are entitled to our feelings. We have a right to be upset. Nobody likes to be criticized. Nobody likes to be used. Who likes being cheated out of what is rightfully theirs? My shortcomings and failures cannot be as bad as those other people. Far from being wrong, sin argues, it is actually right and proper not only to feel this way but also to act this way.
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” Ouch! Some of the questions you concerning pride likely raised an “ouch!” When we look into the mirror of God’s will for our lives, our sin begins to stand out. Certainly it is natural to want to hide, blame, or explain away our prideful habits, but that doesn’t change their reality. Actually God seeks us out when we sin, he ignores our explanations, and he gets upset when we point at the sins of others. All God wants from us is our confession (Gen 3:8-13).
What does it mean to “confess” our sins? To confess literally means to come into agreement with. When we confess our sins, God brings us into agreement with his judgment on our pride. When we confess our sins, we take ownership and responsibility for where we have come up short of God’s requirements for our lives. When we confess our sins, we don’t tack on any disclaimers such as if, but, or maybe to explain or justify our sin. When we confess our sins, we simply say, “This is my sin of pride. I take responsibility for it. I am so sorry for offending you, my holy God.”
What happens when we confess our sins? “(God) is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins.” The wall that pride has established between us and heaven is torn down by forgiveness. We can trust God to forgive because of what his only Son has done for us. When he died on the cross, he took God’s judgment on his own shoulders that was rightfully ours because of the pride that poisons our hearts, lashes out at God, and consumes us with self-pity. God wrote our debt “paid in full” when he raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 4:25). That forgiveness was costly to God but is now free to us. That forgiveness is ours whenever we confess our sins.
God doesn’t stop there. He goes on to promise that he will also “purify us from all unrighteousness.” To be made righteous is to be restored to the order the Creator intended. For instance, if your car breaks down, in a sense it becomes unrighteous because it is no longer operating according to the designers’ specifications. In our unrighteousness we are like that broken car. Because of our sin we are not operating the way God designed us at creation. What forgiveness does is give us the righteousness of Christ so we can be what God designed us to be (Rom 3:22-24). Our righteousness will only find its completeness when we are forever in heaven with Christ where we will no longer have sins to confess. In the meantime because we daily sin much, we flee to God in confess to receive his forgiveness and be purified from all unrighteousness. It is in that process that God grows and matures us as his people.
Here is a form of confession for you to use based on 1 John 1:8-9. (If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us) Father, I admit that I have acted out my pride and self-pity in ways hurtful to you and others. (If we confess our sins) I take full responsibility for my prideful thoughts and deeds and agree with your judgment upon them. (God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins) I believe that Jesus Christ took your judgment upon my sin to the cross with him. My debt is now paid. (and will purify us from all unrighteousness) In your mercy set me on a new path that releases me from the power of my pride. Give me courage to not only confess my sin to you but also those whom I have hurt with my anger. I ask it all in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Hear now God’s words to you based on your confession. “Because of what I did through Jesus, you find me compassionate and gracious; slow to anger, abounding in love. I will not always accuse, nor will I harbor my anger forever; I do not treat you as your sins deserve or repay you according to what justice requires. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is my love for those who fear me; as far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your transgressions from you. As a father has compassion on his children, so I have compassion on those who fear me” (Psalm 103:8-13 paraphrased).
Part of that righteousness Christ gives us is the strength and freedom to go to those whom you have offended and hurt. This can be the hardest part of dealing with our sin of pride. Ambassadors of Reconciliation[1] have the best help I have seen with the Seven A’s of Confession.
1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you have affected)
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)
4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)
5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)
6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)
7. Ask for forgiveness
Using these steps can go a long way in promoting healing and reconciliation.
[1] For more information contact Ambassadors of Reconciliation at PO Box 81130, Billings, MT 59108, (406)256-1583, or visit their website at www.HisPeace.org.
PRIDE 8
Here are some questions for you to see how pride may be at work in your life based on Martha's story in Luke 10:38-42.
How true is it of you that you must give in order to get (v. 38)?
How often do you feel a sense of entitlement because of all that you have done for others (v. 39)?
How frequently do you feel you must put the needs of others ahead of your own (v. 40a)?
How hard is it for you to acknowledge your own hurt and ask for help (v. 40b)?
How true is it of you that you have to earn the affection of others because love is not simply given?
How do you react to the criticism of others (v. 41)?
How do you react when someone is selected for a position you expected to fill or promoted in your place (v. 42)?
How do you react when another’s gifts seem greater than your own?
How hard is it for you when others don’t seem to notice or care when you’ve done something good for them? How hard is it for you to take credit when you’ve done something good for others?
How do you feel when others identify with your weaknesses or problems by relating them to their own?
Monday, June 8, 2009
PRIDE 7
One direction Martha could have taken with Jesus’ words would have been to tell herself that she really was less that Mary. It would not matter how hard she tried, she would never please Jesus. Pride is a cruel master. It takes away all sense of worth and dignity.
Jesus, however, was trying to tell Martha that she really was valuable. She was just going about finding it in the wrong way. Jesus wanted her to examine what it was that he found valuable in Mary. He wanted her to think about that “one thing”. Would it be something that she could emulate? Her attitude toward service would change. Being the servant she was, she could even go so far as to use her obvious gifts and talents to serve Mary, which would help Mary grow in that “one thing.”
Pride puts us on the horns of a dilemma. Martha hated it when Jesus didn’t notice all the trouble she was going to. But if Martha were like her modern daughters, the fuss made over her for all she was doing would have embarrassed her. Pride and false humility are the mirror image of each other. Both are sin.
Learning to graciously receive compliments at face value and not manipulating or pressing others into giving complements are important virtues. The change begins in accepting the fact that God loves you now without one change in your life and knowing that his unconditional love in Jesus Christ will change you forever. Living the tension between those truths opens the door to some real healing.
When pride is in full bloom, no one understands, no one can relate, and no one can fully appreciate my problems. It doesn’t even want anyone to understand. There is a cold comfort in that being alone. Jesus will not leave us there. Of him it is said, “Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:4) and “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). It is amazing how when I think I have gone through it all, I find that Jesus went through it before me and usually under worse circumstances.
Jesus knows our weaknesses and problems even better than we do. We can trust him to relate to us. One of the ways he does that is through believers he places around us. It is amazing how often he ministers through his people. If Jesus can identify with Martha, believe me he can identify with you and me. After all he is the “one thing needed.”
Jesus, however, was trying to tell Martha that she really was valuable. She was just going about finding it in the wrong way. Jesus wanted her to examine what it was that he found valuable in Mary. He wanted her to think about that “one thing”. Would it be something that she could emulate? Her attitude toward service would change. Being the servant she was, she could even go so far as to use her obvious gifts and talents to serve Mary, which would help Mary grow in that “one thing.”
Pride puts us on the horns of a dilemma. Martha hated it when Jesus didn’t notice all the trouble she was going to. But if Martha were like her modern daughters, the fuss made over her for all she was doing would have embarrassed her. Pride and false humility are the mirror image of each other. Both are sin.
Learning to graciously receive compliments at face value and not manipulating or pressing others into giving complements are important virtues. The change begins in accepting the fact that God loves you now without one change in your life and knowing that his unconditional love in Jesus Christ will change you forever. Living the tension between those truths opens the door to some real healing.
When pride is in full bloom, no one understands, no one can relate, and no one can fully appreciate my problems. It doesn’t even want anyone to understand. There is a cold comfort in that being alone. Jesus will not leave us there. Of him it is said, “Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:4) and “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). It is amazing how when I think I have gone through it all, I find that Jesus went through it before me and usually under worse circumstances.
Jesus knows our weaknesses and problems even better than we do. We can trust him to relate to us. One of the ways he does that is through believers he places around us. It is amazing how often he ministers through his people. If Jesus can identify with Martha, believe me he can identify with you and me. After all he is the “one thing needed.”
Friday, June 5, 2009
PRIDE 6
Martha so wanted to make a good impression on Jesus. She gave it her very best. She was doing all the right things, at least from her perspective. What was wrong with Mary and Jesus? Couldn’t they see? Didn’t they understand?
Martha’s problem was trying to earn Jesus’ affection. Pride argued that love is never simply given. It must be earned. In Martha’s mind love had rules of give and give back. Jesus was not following the rules. She was giving, showing her affection as best she knew how. Now he was supposed to give back by telling her how special all her preparations were and thus how special she was. It was so frustrating.
Look at Jesus’ response to Martha’s harsh words. “Martha, Martha,” he said. The tone was not harsh or condescending. His intent was to communicate his genuine care and concern for her. What a shock that must have been to Martha! Martha had just blown it. She had been rude to her guest and he responded with kindness. Jesus was saying that he valued her more than he valued her cooking. We are worthwhile because Jesus says we are—not because of anything we have done or failed to do.
Jesus nailed it, “you are worried and upset about many things.” We are not told how Martha responded to Jesus’ words. We are left to answer that on our own. Perhaps she denied it and became defensive. Maybe she really nailed him for being insensitive to her feelings. A guilt trip would have fit in nicely about then. She may have just smiled and sucked it in once more and left feeling sorry for herself once again. Pride does not handle criticism well. It becomes defensive, resentful, bitter, and sulky.
“Mary has chosen what is better.” Ouch! Martha was trying so hard to be the favored one. It was her home. It was her preparations. It was going to be her dinner. Now all he can talk about is Mary!
It hurts when someone else gets what we have worked so hard for. Pride gets wounded. How easy it would have been for Martha to attempt to punish Mary or even try to get even with Jesus for what he said. How natural it would have been to slip into self-pity and resentment. It takes courage and patience to handle situations like this.
Martha’s problem was trying to earn Jesus’ affection. Pride argued that love is never simply given. It must be earned. In Martha’s mind love had rules of give and give back. Jesus was not following the rules. She was giving, showing her affection as best she knew how. Now he was supposed to give back by telling her how special all her preparations were and thus how special she was. It was so frustrating.
Look at Jesus’ response to Martha’s harsh words. “Martha, Martha,” he said. The tone was not harsh or condescending. His intent was to communicate his genuine care and concern for her. What a shock that must have been to Martha! Martha had just blown it. She had been rude to her guest and he responded with kindness. Jesus was saying that he valued her more than he valued her cooking. We are worthwhile because Jesus says we are—not because of anything we have done or failed to do.
Jesus nailed it, “you are worried and upset about many things.” We are not told how Martha responded to Jesus’ words. We are left to answer that on our own. Perhaps she denied it and became defensive. Maybe she really nailed him for being insensitive to her feelings. A guilt trip would have fit in nicely about then. She may have just smiled and sucked it in once more and left feeling sorry for herself once again. Pride does not handle criticism well. It becomes defensive, resentful, bitter, and sulky.
“Mary has chosen what is better.” Ouch! Martha was trying so hard to be the favored one. It was her home. It was her preparations. It was going to be her dinner. Now all he can talk about is Mary!
It hurts when someone else gets what we have worked so hard for. Pride gets wounded. How easy it would have been for Martha to attempt to punish Mary or even try to get even with Jesus for what he said. How natural it would have been to slip into self-pity and resentment. It takes courage and patience to handle situations like this.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
PRIDE 5
So goes life for the Marthas of this world. “Martha” decides to host a party. She opens her home. She wants to impress others with how well she can cook. She wants to be known as a good hostess. When her guests arrive, she is psyched. However, something happens during the evening. No one is helping serve the food. Suddenly a remark is made by a guest and taken the wrong way. She is sure a couple of her guests do not like her cooking. No one notices the special decorations. Suddenly, she is exhausted and angry. All the work that seemed to excite her now turns into a burden. Her guests become a bore. She becomes annoyed and filled with self-pity. Humility and service energize. Pride and self-pity demoralize.
Martha did something that even surprised Martha. She suddenly came charging out of the kitchen and in an angry voice said, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” After Jesus arrived, Martha stood back in the kitchen listening to Mary and Jesus talk, at first thinking that surely Mary would realize all that she was doing and come back with an offer to help. When she didn’t come, she consoled herself by knowing that at least one person in that house cared. When she realized that she wasn’t going to get everything prepared and that Mary wasn’t coming to help, she lost it. Martha violated a very important rule of hospitality—drawing a guest into a family dispute. By this time she felt Jesus had it coming. After all, he didn’t care either since he didn’t send Mary back to help.
Few of us take it well when we fail to receive what we are entitled to. Martha was tempted to put on a humble smile, assure others and herself that she could handle it, and sucked it up and moved on. Then later, out of nowhere, out came her “Wicked Witch of the West” routine. That is pride in action.
Pride is aware of hurt but it does not properly acknowledge it. Instead it says to you how strong and forbearing you are. It draws strength from the self-pity that forms in the pit of the stomach. It gathers the hurts endured and begins to blend them into a witch’s brew of bitterness and resentment. This brew is very volatile. Eventually even pride can no longer digest it. There is finally an explosion of anger or a retreat into helplessness and martyrdom, and you become nothing more than your role as victim.
Asking for help is the way to break the spiral down into self-pity. Martha waited too long to ask for help. By the time she asked, her request was poisoned with accusation (“don’t you care”), blaming (“my sister has left me to do the work by myself”), and hostility (“Tell her to help me!”). How different the scene might have been if Martha had approached Mary earlier and asked for help. If she could have stated her need in the first person “I”, instead accusing and blaming, and listened to Mary, she may have discovered what Mary was doing and put aside the kitchen work and sat down with Mary. But that takes patience, which we will examine in the next section.
Martha did something that even surprised Martha. She suddenly came charging out of the kitchen and in an angry voice said, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” After Jesus arrived, Martha stood back in the kitchen listening to Mary and Jesus talk, at first thinking that surely Mary would realize all that she was doing and come back with an offer to help. When she didn’t come, she consoled herself by knowing that at least one person in that house cared. When she realized that she wasn’t going to get everything prepared and that Mary wasn’t coming to help, she lost it. Martha violated a very important rule of hospitality—drawing a guest into a family dispute. By this time she felt Jesus had it coming. After all, he didn’t care either since he didn’t send Mary back to help.
Few of us take it well when we fail to receive what we are entitled to. Martha was tempted to put on a humble smile, assure others and herself that she could handle it, and sucked it up and moved on. Then later, out of nowhere, out came her “Wicked Witch of the West” routine. That is pride in action.
Pride is aware of hurt but it does not properly acknowledge it. Instead it says to you how strong and forbearing you are. It draws strength from the self-pity that forms in the pit of the stomach. It gathers the hurts endured and begins to blend them into a witch’s brew of bitterness and resentment. This brew is very volatile. Eventually even pride can no longer digest it. There is finally an explosion of anger or a retreat into helplessness and martyrdom, and you become nothing more than your role as victim.
Asking for help is the way to break the spiral down into self-pity. Martha waited too long to ask for help. By the time she asked, her request was poisoned with accusation (“don’t you care”), blaming (“my sister has left me to do the work by myself”), and hostility (“Tell her to help me!”). How different the scene might have been if Martha had approached Mary earlier and asked for help. If she could have stated her need in the first person “I”, instead accusing and blaming, and listened to Mary, she may have discovered what Mary was doing and put aside the kitchen work and sat down with Mary. But that takes patience, which we will examine in the next section.
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