Anger--Confession and Forgiveness

If you have felt convicted by any of the questions in Anger 8, what will you do? John has some wise advice for all of us. He says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9). Next we will examine those words more closely.

“If we claim to be without sin…” Any sin can be rationalized into a virtue. After all we are entitled to our feelings. We have a right to be upset. My shortcomings and failures cannot be as bad as those other people. Far from being wrong, sin argues, it is actually right and proper not only to feel this way but also to act this way. “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in.” Ouch! Some of the questions you answered earlier likely raised an “ouch!” When we look into the mirror of God’s will for our lives, our sin begins to stand out. Certainly it is natural to want to hide, blame, or explain away our angry habits, but that doesn’t change their reality. Actually God seeks us out when we sin, he ignores our explanations, and he gets upset when we point at the sins of others. All God wants from us is our confession (Gen 3:8-13).

What does it mean to “confess” our sins? To confess literally means to come into agreement with. When we confess our sins, God brings us into agreement with his judgment on our sin. When we confess our sins, we take ownership and responsibility for where we have come up short of God’s requirements for our lives. When we confess our sins, we don’t tack on any disclaimers such as if, but, or maybe to explain or justify our sin. When we confess our sins, we simply say, “This is my sin. I take responsibility for it. I am so sorry for offending you, my holy God.”

What happens when we confess our sins? “(God) is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins.” The wall that sin has established between us and heaven is torn down by forgiveness. We can trust God to forgive because of what his only Son has done for us. When he died on the cross, he took God’s judgment on his own shoulders that was rightfully ours because of the anger that broods in our hearts and lashes out at God and others. God wrote our debt “paid in full” when he raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 4:25). That forgiveness was costly to God but is now free to us. That forgiveness is ours whenever we confess our sins.

God doesn’t stop there. He goes on to promise that he will also “purify us from all unrighteousness.” To be made righteous is to be restored to the order the Creator intended. For instance, if your car breaks down, in a sense it becomes unrighteous because it is no longer operating according to the designers’ specifications. In our unrighteousness we are like that broken car. Because of our sin we are not operating the way God designed us at creation. What forgiveness does is give us the righteousness of Christ so we can be what God designed us to be (Rom 3:22-24). Our righteousness will only find its completeness when we are forever in heaven with Christ where we will no longer have sins to confess. In the meantime because we daily sin much, we flee to God in confess to receive his forgiveness and be purified from all unrighteousness. It is in that process that God grows and matures us as his people.

Here is a form of confession for you to use based on 1 John 1:8-9. (If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us) Father, I admit that I have acted out my anger in ways hurtful to you and others. (If we confess our sins) I take full responsibility for my angry deeds and agree with your judgment upon them. (God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins) I believe that Jesus Christ took your judgment upon my sin to the cross with him. My debt is now paid. (and will purify us from all unrighteousness) In your mercy set me on a new path that releases me from the power of my anger. Give me courage to not only confess my sin to you but also those whom I have hurt with my anger. I ask it all in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Hear now God’s words to you based on your confession. I am compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. I will not always accuse, nor will I harbor my anger forever; I do not treat you as your sins deserve or repay you according to what justice requires. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is my love for those who fear me; as far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your transgressions from you. As a father has compassion on his children, so I have compassion on those who fear me (Psalm 103:8-13 paraphrased).

Part of that righteousness Christ gives us is the strength and freedom to go to those whom you have offended and hurt. This can be the hardest part of dealing with our sin of anger. Ambassadors of Reconciliation[1] have the best help I have seen with the Seven A’s of Confession.

Address everyone involved (All those whom you have affected)
Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)
Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)
Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)
Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)
Ask for forgiveness

Using these steps can go a long way in promoting healing and reconciliation.

[1] For more information contact Ambassadors of Reconciliation at PO Box 81130, Billings, MT 59108, (406)256-1583, or visit their website at www.HisPeace.org.

ANGER! 8

At this point I would ask you to consider the following ten questions whose purpose is to help you see the influence of anger in your life. Answer them as honestly as you can. After you have identified some places in your life where anger has a hook, then I will show you some ways to bring God forgiveness and power to bear on those points.

Do others frequently annoy you?

Do you often speak of changes others need to make?

Do you know how to laugh at yourself?

Do you commonly feel that you are the only responsible person in your family, class, or at work?

Do you frequently expect more of yourself and others than even God does?

Do you often feel that you must suppress or justify your anger?

Do you ask others not to take your criticism personally and yet have difficulty not taking criticism personally yourself?

Do you often feel that the confidence others have in you is misplaced?

Do you frequently find that in your frustration you act out (e.g. excessive eating or drinking, outbursts of rage, obsessive-compulsive behavior, extreme remorse, or become extremely rigid in your opinions)?

Do you live with a judge inside your head that is sometimes wise and discerning but often is simply stern and harsh?


If you have felt convicted by any of the questions above, what will you do? John has some wise advise for all of us. He says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9). Next we will examine those words more closely.

ANGER! 7

Finally, angry people live with a judge inside their heads that is sometimes wise and discerning but often is simply stern and harsh. This wise, discerning judge gave Moses a profound sense of right and wrong and a zealous desire to pursue God’s justice (Ex 18:13-16; Ex 32:19-20). In this way it served him well. It was when this judge became the only voice he listened to that it got him into trouble. When this judge is allowed to speak alone, he becomes very stern. His voice can lead either to self-righteous condemnation or self-pity and complaining. Unchecked, this voice ultimately leads to an unholy alliance with the voice of Satan, whose name means “accuser.” This voice must be balanced with mercy and compassion or it becomes deadly. This voice must always be put in submission to the voice of God revealed in Scripture.

This harsh, angry judge spoke to Moses about Moses. When he considered God’s call to lead Israel out of Egypt, the judge reminded him that he was in no way worthy for such a high calling. As a result Moses made excuse after excuse to God until God finally became angry with him (Ex 3 and 4). This voice told him that no one could administer justice to Israel like he could. He nearly wore himself out because of it (Ex 18:17-26).

This harsh, angry judge spoke to Moses about others. This judge was speaking when Moses killed the Egyptian (Ex 2:11-15) and when he struck the rock (Num 20:2-12). In these examples Moses took the law into his own hands. In both instances his choice to listen to the angry judge cost him dearly.

ANGER! 6

Another major source of anger is one’s own insecurity. Five times Moses tried to tell God that he was unqualified to lead Israel out of Egypt (Ex 3:11, 14; 4:1, 10, 13). The Lord finally got angry with Moses (Ex 4:14) for rejecting all that he was trying to give Moses to equip him for his task. I can’t help but wonder whether, even though Moses did what the Lord commanded, he didn’t question right to the end if God had made a mistake.

That kind of questioning can provide a breeding ground for resentment against God. “After all”, the thinking goes, “God knew I’m not qualified and yet he pushed me into this position. It will only be a matter of time before I fail. God, why do you want me to be a failure?” Since none of us is perfect, each of us will make mistakes and will fail from time to time. Anger emotionally sets us up to lash out at God for making us failures or at others so they dare not comment on our shortcomings. The result is emotional isolation God and others, and an inability to learn from mistakes as well as equating failing with being a failure. Even the most successful fail. The difference is that they learn from their mistakes and are willing to fail and learn again.

It took almost forty years for Moses to lose control and act out. Other leaders of Israel did not manage as well. King Saul, for instance, became frustrated with his own failings as king. Instead of listening to the counsel and support God gave him through the prophet Samuel, he allowed his anger to grow into bitterness and rage. He became jealous of David and in an outburst of rage even tried to kill his own son because of his support of David. The fits of rage were often followed by times of extreme remorse. Those times were short and Saul became more and more obsessed with killing David (1 Samuel 15-31). Moses and Saul stand in sharp contrast in how they dealt with their anger. Moses, until the end, turned his over to the Lord. Saul kept his anger, nursing it until it grew to be a spirit that tormented him (1 Samuel 16:14-23).

ANGER! 5

Angry people tend to justify or suppress their anger rather than deal with it. Moses seemed to handle this issue well. When he got angry, he expressed his anger to the Lord and seemed to be able to leave it there. That ability served him well until near the end. Something happened that allowed the anger to fester and grow inside of him until a poor rock received the brunt of his frustration. Perhaps it was the years of being the focus of his people’s discontent. Perhaps the death of his sister was the final straw. Whatever it was, the only voice he could hear was that of his anger.

I grew up in a home where it was not okay to be angry. When anger was expressed, it was usually done in an explosive, frightening manner. Of course, that’s what happens when anger is suppressed. It builds and builds until there is an explosion. As a result, I never gave myself permission to be angry. I remember what an insight it was when I began recognizing some of my feelings as actually being anger. The next step was to get over the need to constantly justify to myself and others the feelings I had. Healing began in learning to recognize anger as a sign that something inside me or in my world was out of balance. What I learned was that anger of itself is neither good nor bad. It simply is. The key lies in what is done with the anger. What I still work on is turning the anger over to the Lord so that I can use it to help me find where the imbalance is and receive the grace to deal with it.

What finally undid Moses was an inability to handle the constant criticism. He certainly took more than his share of criticism for forty years. Amazingly he always seemed to be able to remember that Israel’s issues were with God and not him. Still it was hard to keep separate what was personal and what belonged to God, especially when the mob wanted to stone him (Num 14:10).

Criticism usually identifies places where we can learn and grow, even when given by an enemy. Unless we are ill mannered or resentful, we tend not to make our criticism of others personal. The same is true of others when they criticize us. However, criticism becomes deadly when the judgmental voice inside our own heads extends a loud “amen” to the criticism we hear. From there it goes on to use that criticism to affirm what sorry excuses for human beings we are.

Taking hits from those two directions will finally lead to self-destruction or a fierce self-preservation. For self-preservation one can easily drop into a childish self-pity that comforts itself by attacking the criticizers. The anger can no longer be suppressed. Some take on a pessimistic world view. Fearing confrontation, others withdraw from their critics leaving them to figure out what they have done wrong. Gossip, envy, slander, and fear grow in this fertile ground. Branding our perceived enemies as unfair, spiteful, insensitive and the like, we find ourselves, like Moses, standing before the rock with his rod in hand, cursing them as rebels against God and a blight on our lives (Num 20:10).

ANGER! 4

Laughter is an important tool in dealing with anger. We know that Abraham and Sarah laughed at the birth of Isaac (Gen 21:1-7). Like a child David danced before the Lord in his underwear (2 Sam 6:14-15). Moses’ life, however, is recorded in sober tones. Even the Psalm he wrote has a melancholy theme (Psalm 90). This is not to say that Moses was without humor in his life. He could not have survived those forty years without it. It seems though that by the end of the forty years humor had been drained from his life. The rigidity that was produced became a breeding ground for resentment to grow.
When life gets to heavy and serious, we need to pull back for a moment and watch old Abraham and Sarah making over their baby Isaac, whose name means laughter, or shake our heads in delight as David dances very undignified before the ark of God as it is brought into Jerusalem. Laughing with them helps put our own situations in much better perspective. Laughing at our own foolish moments and indignities gives life back its flavor and zest.
Laughter helps us cope with our responsibilities. Being responsible is a virtue. However, being responsible does not mean that you have to fix every mess, solve every dispute, or make up for all the careless and foolish things others do. This misguided view of responsibility was going to send Moses to an early grave until his father-in-law intervened (Ex 18:13-26).
Listen to an angry person sometime. So much of the anger is a reaction not merely to the hurt another has caused but to the other person’s refusal to be “fixed.” After all, the angry person was only being helpful, only trying to do what was best, only being responsible since no one else was going to be. This too becomes a breeding ground for resentment and bitterness. Angry people need discernment to know what they can change and what they cannot change, what they can control and what is beyond their control. They also need to learn how to trust others.
Moses struggled with this issue of trust. He placed an unbearable burden on himself in settling all the disputes of Israel. God had given him the responsibility of leadership. It never crossed his mind that this responsibility was to be shared. After all no one would do it as well as he did or be as dedicated to his responsibilities. Jethro recognized the danger for his son-in-law. He knew that a tired, burned out leader would become an angry, resentful leader.
Having high standards is a virtue, but angry people make poor standard setters. One effective tool for managing anger is learning to trust others enough to delegate responsibility to them. This requires an acceptance that things won’t get done the way we would do them (They may actually be done better.). The personal benefit is freeing time and energy to work on more important priorities or different projects. The organizational benefit is that more people are better served.

ANGER! 3

The first step in managing anger properly is to recognize its presence and its influence in our lives. It seems that the sole mission of some people on this earth is to be annoying. We all have those people in our lives. Israel was only three days from the Red Sea, where God had miraculously rescued them from Pharaoh, and they were grumbling against Moses (Ex 15:24). And on it went (Ex 16:2 and Ex 17:2). For forty years Moses had to put up with that. Bad circumstances and disagreeable people take their toll over time.

The question is not whether others are annoying or circumstances are difficult. The question is how much you let it get to you. Moses did remarkably well with the annoyance for nearly forty years. Something changed near the end of that time. The years of grumbling finally got to him. The system that had worked so long and so well managing his anger finally broke down. Annoyance was turning into resentment.

The early signs of resentment are seen in our speech. How we speak of others paints a picture of what is going on inside. All the words may be right at first, but the tone and body language that goes with those words say something different. Later comes the compulsive need to talk about why others are so annoying. The words become more cutting. Every little action, even the clothes that the person wears, comes under careful scrutiny. When pushed far enough, there is finally the raging tirade against the sins of others that drips with self-pity. Worse yet this resentment has a way of offering its own cold comfort. As resentment grows, it makes us feel good by reminding us how badly others are treating us. This gives a sense of moral superiority not unlike the self-righteous anger of the Pharisees toward the “sinners” of their day.

When we read the scriptures, we can’t see Moses’ body language when he spoke to Israel over the years. We can’t hear the tone that painted his voice. We can’t hear the inner voices that were coaching him. We can only see what finally happened as he lashed out verbally at the people of Israel and then viciously struck the rock twice. At that moment Moses’ heart was far from God.

As one who has struggled with this sin in my own life, I know how slowly yet steadily resentment creeps into one’s life. The need to control it becomes overwhelming sometimes because the anger that wells from that resentment can be frightening. The problem is that the more that we try to control it the stronger it gets. The longer we allow it to grow in us the more poisoned our thinking and feeling become. Worse still, the place that God occupies in our lives becomes smaller and smaller until at times it is overrun by the anger.

Our salvation comes ironically not in learning how to control the resentment but in giving up its control to Christ. It is only his love and forgiveness that can drive out the demon. Somewhere along the road to the Promised Land, Moses stopped giving his resentment over to the Lord and began keeping it and nurturing it inside.

ANGER! (revised)

(Shirley made some excellent comments on the first section of my paper on anger. I have rewritten portions of it, and submit it to you now.)

The mob had grown quiet. All that could be heard was the desert wind. The blowing sand burned in their eyes, but they could see the anger in his face. His hands were still shaking and his heart pounding as he walked away from the rock. The water rushing from the rock flowed like the contempt he felt toward his own people that day. They were back at the spot where it all began. At this place nearly forty years before, God had told Israel to go in and take the Promised Land (Num 14). Out of fear and lack of faith they had refused. That rebellious generation had been cursed to live out their days in the desert. Their descendants were no different from their parents. They had learned nothing in those miserable years.

He had barely buried his sister when they came at him grumbling about his leadership and demanding water. They would not even give him time to grieve. This same litany of demands and complains he had heard forty years ago. Once more he humbled himself before God asking what he should do. His answer was simple and lacking drama. “Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water” was all he said. For Moses their whining and self-pity was more than he could stand. All the accumulated anger, exasperation, and frustration of those years boiled to the surface as he stood before those rebels and twice struck the rock with his staff instead of speaking to the rock as he was commanded (Num 20:1-11).

God was so disappointed in Moses. First, he failed to honor God before Israel with his words. He spoke harshly, “Listen you rebels must we bring you water out of this rock (emphasis added)?” points to Moses’ judgment on these people instead of “Speak to that rock”, which would point to the grace and love of God. In so doing he communicated the opposite of what God wanted to say at that moment. He failed to show proper deference to the presence of God among his people.

Second, he allowed his anger to take charge of his actions by striking the rock instead of speaking to it. By his disobedience, he demonstrated a lack of trust in God and his word. In his anger he did not believe that speaking was enough. As a result his leadership of Israel would end at the edge of the Promised Land (Num 20:12). Such is the power of the sin of anger.

It had to have been a bitter pill for Moses to swallow. For forty years he had led the children of Israel in the desert to get them into the Promised Land. Now that they were finally ready to enter this good land, he would not be able to go with them. How could this be? How could this man who was “more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth” (Num 12:3) and to whom God had spoken “face to face” (Num 12:8) not be permitted into the Promised Land?

ANGER! 2

There is nothing wrong with getting angry. Anger is just a symptom of something in our relationships or environment that is out of kilter. Many times Moses got angry with the people he was leading. They gave him just cause by their never-ending grumbling about his leadership and the hardships they had to endure in the desert. When he headed for the rock that day under command of the Lord, he had plenty of reason to be angry. The people were once more quarreling with him and wallowing in self-pity over their condition in the desert. They would not even give him time to grieve the death of his sister. It was not that Moses was angry that caused God to judge his servant so harshly. It was what Moses chose to do with his anger that day.

Jesus cautioned his disciples about the power of anger if not handled properly (Matt 5:21-26). If allowed to fester, it becomes the breeding ground for murder. Moses knew this truth firsthand since in anger he had killed a man and then had to flee for his life (Ex 2:11-15).

We all know people in the neighborhood, or dare I say at church, who like Moses, fail to manage their anger properly. The tragedy is that like Moses, they are people filled with great potential but become trapped in resentment. The success of others and the slights, real and imagined, received in this life can lead to an unending cycle of self-pity. For some reason they never learned how to recognize and manage their anger. Angry people very often don’t see themselves as angry. They see themselves more as a victim. By God’s grace this study is intended to help you recognize anger and its power in your life and show you what God does to transform that power through the fruit of the Holy Spirit, joy.

ANGER!

The mob had grown quiet. All that could be heard was the desert wind. The blowing sand burned in their eyes, but they could see the anger in his face. His hands were still shaking and his heart pounding as he walked away from the rock. The water rushing from the rock flowed like the contempt he felt toward his own people that day. They were back at the spot where it all began. At this place nearly forty years before, God had told Israel to go in and take the Promised Land (Num 14). Out of fear and lack of faith they had refused. That rebellious generation had been cursed to live out their days in the desert. Their descendants were no different from their parents. They had learned nothing in those miserable years.

He had barely buried his sister when they came at him grumbling about his leadership and demanding water. They would not even give him time to grieve. This same litany of demands and complains he had heard forty years ago. Once more he humbled himself before God asking what he should do. His answer was simple and lacking drama. “Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water” was all he said. For Moses their whining and self-pity was more than he could stand. All the accumulated anger, exasperation, and frustration of those years boiled to the surface as he stood before those rebels and twice struck the rock with his staff.

God was so disappointed in Moses. By his disobedience, he demonstrated a lack of trust in God and his word and he had dishonored God before Israel. As a result his leadership of Israel would end at the edge of the Promised Land (Num 20:1-3). Such is the power of the sin of anger.
It had to have been a bitter pill for Moses to swallow. For forty years he had led the children of Israel in the desert to get them into the Promised Land. Now that they were finally ready to enter this good land, he would not be able to go with them. How could this be? How could this man who was “more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth” (Num 12:3) and to whom God had spoken “face to face” (Num 12:8) not be permitted into the Promised Land?